Metal Detecting: The Perfect Quarantine Hobby

“Tony, is that your civic out front?”

One of the shelter’s maintenance workers had noticed all 4 of my supervisor’s tires had been slashed. We went outside to observe the damage. Confirmed: Tony clearly pissed somebody off. I watched his face, waiting for a tantrum that never came. With a shrug, he only noted that the tires’ tread had seen better days: “If this hadn’t happened, I might never have noticed how bald my tires were. I could have blown one on the freeway”. And he laughed.

I was staggered at the ease with which he concluded that this was not only no big deal, but genuinely a blessing in disguise. Most people, to varying degrees, would have freaked. Personally, I would have taken the cynical stairway all the way down, chewing on the misfortune, until realizing that stairway didn’t go anywhere cool. Only then would I conjure up a new narrative, convince myself of the bright side, and climb back up, fully exhausted from the ascent back to a place I never needed to descend from in the first place. In this case, Tony successfully saved himself the trip. There was no convincing needed. It was automatic, like he had a metal detector for silver linings.  

Tony has worked at the homeless shelter for 7 years. He’s run into much worse and frankly can’t afford to lose his shit every time something goes awry. Something goes awry every half hour (on a slow day). I’m sharing this anecdote because it happened at a time when I was already thinking a lot about the concept of positive thinking and my own skewed notions about it (height of pandemic). I reached the basic conclusion that hope is an adaptation. One that, given the circumstances, evolves to preserve us; Just like a fight-or flight response to threat or hunger/thirst cues. That “silver lining detector” is integral to our continuation as a species. Day in and day out, we must evade a threat more convoluted and pervasive than starvation or death: the uniquely human threat of losing your mind.

Another key part of that human narrative is the desire to overcome, to solve, and to triumph. I want to reclaim bliss from the ignorant, because really it belongs to those well-versed in tribulation; well-versed in staying tethered despite it all. Bliss belongs to those who choose not to exacerbate hardship and instead respond to it.  

So, about those skewed notions of positive thinking I mentioned… The sentiment “good vibes only” has always slightly made my skin crawl. I love me some bad vibes. I’ve always been drawn to things that are admittedly a little disturbing and/or depressing. It could be that I’ve conflated darkness with the raw and the real of the world, and conflated optimism with disingenuity, passivity, and naivete. I’m sure you’ve wondered at some point why so many great artists and thinkers have committed suicide. These people who seem to be standing two steps back from the rest of us, who seem to really see the essence of it all, simultaneously dragging around some inner ball and chain. As if someone took the lid off life, let them have a look inside, and what they saw made them want out.

So, is there something we’ve romanticized about hopelessness? Idolized? Have we falsely associated it with heightened awareness? You can exalt desperation as much as you’d like. But the way I see it, wading around in the murkiest waters of the world doesn’t serve a purpose unless it disturbs us enough to change. Darkness is just that if we can’t transmute it. We’ve been mass producing sorrow. There’s enough. We need momentum — impetus to get back on our feet when it’s time. You can’t change the situation outside, so there’s nothing selfish or naïve about focusing on whatever helps you manage your headspace. Find the middle ground without sticking your head in the sand nor spiraling. You can still acknowledge that it sucks, do what you can, and try not to waste mental bandwidth on what you can’t. Cut your losses or go mad.

Your life is a product of your thoughts and your thoughts are your facts. Objectivity is an illusion. Your entire experience is just an embedded network of perceptions that ultimately you control, and that’s an invigorating concept. The marvel of consciousness pretty much necessitates that we have a frame of reference allowing us to bear the weight of life’s volatility (an awareness that’s been magnified by globalization and high-speed internet); A lens to ease the bewilderment of navigating the world. We all possess the miraculous faculty to find gems in the ashes that, when strengthened, will be what saves you. We all have the volition to re-write the narrative. We all have a metal detector –and silver is a precious metal.