“Self love” is so interesting to me.
Or forget self-love…Even just simple self-acceptance! It’s one of those things that everyone is always talking about but very few seem to actually embody/understand. For me personally, it’s a concept similar to god. You get little glimpses of what it is and then as quickly as you had it, you’ve lost it. And you go about your little life, day after day, trying to find it and lose it again.
So, I’m not really an expert on the matter. I don’t know if I love myself, but if I ever do arrive at a consistent sense that I do — I’ll let you guys know .
What I DO know, however — is that when I’m deep in a self-loathing spiral, I don’t find any solace or utility in suggestions like:
- Use affirmations in the mirror!
- Speak kindly to yourself!
- Take yourself on a date/spa day!
- Journal all the things you like about yourself!
Like I’m so sorry but I’m not going to do any of that shit. I don’t like myself right now. If I could just easily decide to “speak kindly to myself” I wouldn’t have this problem.
If that’s at all relatable, here are 10 impactful ways I’ve found to EXPRESS love to myself, even if I’m struggling to FEEL it.
- Intentionally put your skin in the sunlight like you’re a little potted plant. Drink up those rays. Try your best to feel deserving of the warmth.
- Give yourself permission to feel ugly sometimes. Zoom out and remember… You’re just a human dealing with the COMPLEX EXPERIENCE OF HAVING A BODY! You can carry on existing. You don’t have to do mental gymnastics to convince yourself that you’re not ugly. Maybe you could still be alright & live a dope a$$ life, even if you are.
- For the record: I’m not telling you you’re ugly, just suggesting a reframe that might feel a little more within reach sometimes. Lol.
- Learn how to physically process your emotions. Get out of your thinking mind. Ground yourself with temperatures, textures, pressure, sound, smell. Practice body-scans & contraction/relaxation techniques. Learn some breathwork for downregulation & upregulation. Utilize movement for emotional processing (shaking, dancing, yoga, running, etc.)
- Allow for a self-respecting amount of time to do things people ask you to do. “I need about 2 weeks to get that ready”. “Can we talk about this another time?” “Here are the days/times I’m available, do any of those work for you?” Etc.
- Admit your successes out loud. I was recently part of a women’s circle where we partnered up and were told to “brag about something you’re proud of” for one minute. It was powerful & inspiring to say the least. You can be humble & still celebrate yourself. I noticed I was eating up everything my partner said during her minute of bragging, but was terrified to say anything about myself.
- Go somewhere alone, without your phone. Even if it’s just a walk around the block. It’s hard to really love someone that you’ve never hung out with 1:1. Your favorite podcast hosts don’t need to 3rd wheel all your me-time.
- Wear clothes you actually like, that make you feel like you.
- Make a PowerPoint of your life, up to this point. I did this recently for my birthday. I started with the day I was born and included photos from each stage of my life, with a few words describing what was going on for me at the time. As challenging as it was to make/re-live at times (I cried a lot), it gave me a massive appreciation for my story & all that I’ve gone through.
- Do an honest audit: If an outsider looked at your life and had to tell you something(s) you really need support with, what would those things be? How can you be proactive in getting yourself that help?
- Stop suffering at your own hand for no reason. Look at your day-to-day and see if there’s anything making you kinda miserable that could be changed. Wearing uncomfortable shoes or clothes that don’t fit you right. Enduring a 6-hour gap between lunch & dinner when you could just, like, have a good snack. Not cleaning your filthy car & continuing to drive to work every day sitting on a throne of crumbs. Not Putting creamer in your coffee when you like creamer in your coffee. Never dropping your shoulders. Never taking a full breath.
Anyway, that’s all I’ve got. Comment here & let me know some ways you love on yourself, practically. Thanks in advance. 😊
Peace & Love,
Sofia